Being a pastor is a privilege and comes with unique opportunities to impact the lives of the people positively. It also comes with challenges in navigating a healthy, loving relationship with a spouse, which requires an intentional effort. Here are some do’s and don’ts for pastors seeking to strengthen the bonds of love with their spouses.

DO’S

1. Make Communication a Priority

Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of a thriving marriage. Without healthy communication, there is no marriage. Make an intentional effort to Regularly check in with your spouse, sharing joys and concerns.

2. Support Personal Growth

 Encourage your spouse’s personal and spiritual development. Talk about something he/she is doing to better himself/herself. Decide to be her biggest cheerleader as she pursues her passions and aspirations.

3. Quality Time Matters

I know ministry can be busy, but despite a busy schedule, carve out quality time for your spouse. Whether it’s a date night or a quiet evening at home, prioritise moments of connection.

4. Be A Good Listener

Nonactive listening is one of the major challenges people face in marriage. Show genuine interest in your spouse’s thoughts and feelings. Practice active listening, validating her emotions and fostering a deeper understanding.

5. Express Appreciation

Make it an intentional attitude to express gratitude regularly and appreciate the efforts your spouse puts into the marriage, homemaking, raising the kids, financial support, the church community, etc. Acknowledge both big and small gestures.

6. Lead by Example

Practise what you preach. Demonstrate the values you preach in your own marriage. Be a living example of love, forgiveness, and humility.

DON’T

1. Don’t Neglect Emotional needs.

 Try to avoid dismissing or neglecting your spouse’s emotional needs. Provide a safe space for her to express herself without judgment.

2. Overcommitment

Guard yourself against overcommitting to your pastoral duties or ministry at the expense of your marriage. Balance is crucial for a healthy relationship.

3. Assume Understanding

   Don’t ever assume your spouse understands the demands of your role. Clearly communicate the challenges you face and work together to find solutions.

4. Neglect Self-Care

Neglecting self-care can impact your ability to love your spouse well. Ensure you prioritise your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

5. Take Criticism Gracefully

 In every season of a man or woman of God, there will be criticism, so when faced with one, avoid becoming defensive. Instead, approach it with grace and a willingness to understand and address concerns.

6.  Don’t Forget Romance

Marriage requires ongoing effort to keep the romance alive. Don’t forget to be intentional about keeping the spark alive through thoughtful gestures and surprises.

Building and maintaining a strong marriage is essential in a pastor’s relationships. By following these do’s and avoiding the don’ts, you can cultivate a relationship with your spouse that reflects the love and grace you preach!